Breastfeeding is best for mothers?

"When will my body ever be mine again?"

This was  first selfish thought that crossed my mind one day, post-partum, while I was staring at myself in the mirror while breastfeeding my baby.

Maybe it was a bad idea to position myself right in front of a full-length mirror while breastfeeding, but there I was, looking at a disheveled image of me, a baby latched onto my engorged breast, while milk was leaking steadily from the other. I felt sore, sticky, and downright ugly. My breasts, which have already been large enough pre-pregnancy, have swollen into (I presume) cup Ds, and they look so unnatural - like, Dolly Parton proportions.

My doctor advised me to go au naturale at home, but I find that impossible to do, as I do not like milk dripping all over me while I move around. My regular cup B bras, which had enough room to spare for my breasts during pregnancy, are already too small; not just with the cup size, but also with the width (my breasts have grown sideways too).

People say (most specifically my doctor and my mom) that I am lucky I am producing so much milk (even without malunggay). Of course, my daughter is the main beneficiary, and I should be happy. But then my mind wanders over to the question at hand, and I spiral into self-doubt and guilt. Are mothers supposed to think these thoughts? Isn't it a given that once you become a mother, your body is never truly yours anymore?

I cried that day. Cried while my baby was contentedly feeding  at my bosom; cried while I hastened to catch the dripping milk from the other breast with a hand pump; cried while thinking of how I will never again fit into my clothes, and how I will have to spend money buying a whole new wardrobe, 2 sizes bigger than my previous set; cried while thinking how other mothers see this "natural breast enhancement" as a plus after pregnancy, while I think its a curse; cried while thinking of how other mothers seem to do this with composure, while here I am, breaking down only on the first 2 weeks of motherhood; cried because all I could think of was how these large breasts are affecting ME negatively, and feeling guilty because I am supposed to be focusing on how these are a positive thing for my daughter.

I am not sure when my body or my life will ever normalize. I don't think it ever will. Is it wrong of me to want it to normalize? Maybe I have a negative body image to begin with: I was a really skinny adolescent, and I spent my middle-aged years trying to achieve a flat tummy by working-out. And now that I've given birth, I still have the post-partum pooch (that left-over flab / tummy skin), and my boobs are too sore and too BIG that I can't even imagine myself working-out again. I don't think they can even fit into my sports bras anymore. :/ Are there breastfeeding mothers out there who have an active lifestyle? How do they do it? Tell me HOW?

Will it get better after breastfeeding? Is it bad of me to think that it will?