Emotions Running High

Week 28, Day 2

So a few nights ago, my husband and I were laying in bed doing our own pre-bedtime rituals: I was on my iPad, playing Candy Crush while he was watching a movie on his laptop, with his headphones on.

He was watching the latter part of Noah (starring Russel Crow, Emma Watson and Jennifer Connely). When I happened to glance his way, I glimpsed the scene where Emma Watson was giving birth. So (being pregnant) naturally, I was curious.

Me: (waving my hand in front of Ton's face)
Ton: (pauses the movie and removes his headphones)
Me: I want to watch.
Ton: (removes the headphone cord from the plug and resumes the movie)

On-screen, Emma Watson's character proceeds to give birth to a baby girl. After a few moments, she goes into labor again and delivers another baby.
Jennifer Connely's character: (looks up with a morose look on her face) I'm sorry. Sisters.
Emma Watson's character: (wails) NOOOOO!

Me: (turns to Ton with eyebrows furrowed) Why are they sad that it's another girl? Were they expecting a boy?
Ton: (pauses the movie and turns to me matter-of-factly) Because Noah will kill all humans without partners. He said that if she gives birth to a girl, he will kill them to discontinue humanity (so they cannot reproduce).
Me: (shocked) He will kill the babies??!!
Ton: Yes, because Noah believes that that is what God commands.
Me: (starting to cry) But why will God command him to do something so horrible?? They're just babies!!! (starting to wail uncontrollably) Wala naman silang ginagawang masama!

At this point, I was inconsolable. I was bawling uncontrollably, while Ton was wide-eyed and bewildered, trying to wipe away my tears. I was feeling wretched at that moment; confused; heartbroken. WHY would God command Noah to do such an inhumane task: kill - not just one, but two - babies!

Having been pregnant for 28 weeks already then, I felt deeply invested in that scene. I felt devastated that Noah could even let the thought of killing newborn babies enter his mind. Carrying a baby (let alone two!) for 40 weeks inside your body is no joke. Although I've only been able to experience just 28 weeks, those 28 weeks were enough for me to: Experience extreme discomfort brought about by raging hormones and indescribable body changes; and also to feel unconditional love for a person I have not even met yet. <3 I am fiercely enamored with this life growing inside me (hello baby Adelle, I love you!), and I will cry, scream and kick in protest if ever something or someone wishes to harm her.

Having experienced what Emma Watson's character went through (except for the labor part, since I'm not at that point yet), I had an idea on what she must have felt, knowing that her father-in-law, Noah, was about to kill the two most precious beings in her life. It's like, What? You made me go through 9 months of THAT for THIS?

I've heard / read really sad stories of miscarriages, stillborn babies, babies living in the womb for up to 36 weeks, only to suffer complications at the last minute...(shudder). I shouldn't be entertaining negative thoughts, but these type of stories prevail in my Newsfeed often, and I get nightmares from them. :( It makes me really paranoid and sad to hear these stories; sometimes it makes me question God's plan: why would He want mothers to go through the joy of conception, pregnancy and anticipation, only to take it away too soon? It's not fair!

But even if I know that my hormones are making me extra-emotional, paranoid and weepy, I refuse to let these negative thoughts prevail. I will keep on praying to God for a normal and healthy baby, and for a safe delivery for me.

For the information of those who weren't able to watch the movie, Noah, he didn't push through with killing the twins, because he looked at them and felt only love. As such, I should have complete faith in the Lord that He only wants love to prevail, no matter what. :)

BabyTLV Gender Reveal Party

So from wedding planning just a few months ago, I have now graduated to baby-themed parties, the first of which is our Baby Gender Reveal Party. I know this is pretty unusual...most of the guests we invited didn't really know what a gender reveal party was, and it was their first time to attend one...but there were a lot of examples on Pinterest, so we were guided accordingly. Haha.

Not a lot of gender reveal parties happen here in the Philippines (I only know of a few), since many would rather spend on the baby shower or for the Baptism. But since this is our first child, and the first grandchild in our side of the family, we decided to have an intimate gathering to announce this milestone.

#BabyTLV's Estimated Due Date (EDD) is on March 28, just a day after Easter Sunday, so I wanted an Easter-themed party. I also wanted something gender-neutral, yet cheerful, for the color motif, so I chose yellow, grey, and white.

My doctor advised me to be on bed rest due to spotting, so I made use of my idle time making DIY gender reveal Easter eggs. I couldn't go to the mall to shop for supplies, so I tasked Ton to do the shopping for me. Hehe. He bought me plastic eggs and lots of glitter. Here's the finished product:

Gender reveal Easter Eggs

I was already done with half of the stash when I realized that the decoration totally falls apart when I try to open it. I hadn't put in the candies and the confetti yet, so I had to redo the ones I've already finished. :/ But they ended up looking pretty good, right?


Dessert Table

For the desserts, my friend, Risha helped me source a dessert supplier. I sent her pegs of the cake I wanted, and to keep with the theme, I also ordered cake pops shaped as Easter eggs.

Pink or blue, we love you!

The cake, cake pops and the panna cotta with macerated mangoes are from Krissie Pacia! They were all very yummy and beautifully done. I also ordered cupcakes from the Bakeshoppe at Shoppersville. It cost a little bit more to have them make cupcakes with yellow icing (their standard is white marshmallow icing), but it was all still pretty cheap, and still delicious!

My sister-in-law, Leni, styled the dessert table. I borrowed the dessert plates from mama, to be able to display the cupcakes in. Leni made the grey "BABY" lettering with yellow buttons for accent, as well as the cupcake toppers (with a grey bunny as artwork). The Brazo de Mercedes is from the caterer, DGD Events.

And for an added accent, we also put in a glass juice dispenser with dalandan juice! Yellow and grey straws were displayed in mason jars to complete the look. 

Leni also made the backdrop, the banderitas, and the yellow pom-poms! Such a pretty and cheerful set-up!

Kormac likes yellow!

Registration Table

For the registration table, my seastarr, Larissa thought of a unique way to word the voting board. Instead of "Team Boy or Team Girl?" or "Pink or Blue?" we used "Team Mini Tonton or Team Mini Leklek," using our nicknames when we were kids. <3

Guests who arrive will cast their votes by writing their names on a blue or a pink stick. They will then wear a blue bunny or pink bunny pin, to signify their gender vote.

For the prizes for the games, we bought Hershey's chocolates and colored the "He" and "She" with the corresponding color.

Program

It was just a small gathering, made-up of our family and close friends, but we also wanted it to be a fun party for all. It's a good thing we were able to persuade our friends, Chel and Jeff, to host the party for us. They made-up the program and the games...and they even made a PowerPoint with our baby pictures and a sneak-peak of BabyTLV, care of makemebabies.com. Haha.

Ton as a baby. Mama Virgie says he was a well-behaved child. Seems like he also didn't know how to smile. HAHAHA.

Me as a baby. My mama described me as "malikot." And I obviously knew how to smile for the camera! :D

The guests laughed when our respective mothers described us as babies, because what we were then (Ton was behaved, while I was makulit) are total opposites of what we are right now. :)) But what will BabyTLV look like? If you combine our genes, what kind of baby will BabyTLV be? (drum roll please)...

BabyTLV c/o makemebabies.com

I am not sure if this is the real image generated from our pictures, since none of the features look like they come from us! Haha! The baby looks like the kid from the Alaska milk can. :)) This drew a lot of laughs from the audience.


Games

A party is not a party without any audience participation, so Chel and Jeff cooked up some pretty fun games too!

1.  Old Wives Tales - This is a by-table game. Each table had a white board where the guests can write their answers (either Boy or Girl), as their response to an old wives tale narrated by Chel.
   
2. Baby Beer Pong -  This is just like beer pong, but without the beer, and with pink and blue cups instead of red cups. :)) 
     
   
   
3. Baby Bottle Drinking Game - Again, instead of beer (isn't it obvious that our guests like beer?), Chel asked the contestants to drink (low fat) milk from a baby bottle. Not an easy task!
   
4. Baby Womb Race - Do you know what it's like to walk around with a big, heavy baby inside your tummy? Well, a balloon is no substitute, but trying to shoot a ping pong ball from your thighs and into a cup may show the contestants how hard it is to bend over to pick stuff up! Haha.
   
5. Easter Egg Hunt - And then finally, what is an Easter-themed party without an Easter Egg hunt! We had a bit of trouble hiding the eggs, since the guards of the building said we weren't supposed to use the grounds. Also, some of the eggs already burst open, ruining the surprise for some. :( But it was still so nice to see all of my guests scrambling around the garden and the playground to look for eggs! Walang killjoy! :) All of the Easter eggs contained pink candy and confetti, but there were 2 golden eggs, among the blue and pink eggs. The ones who found the golden eggs got a special prize: a gift certificate for an Aromatherapy session at The Spa! (Gosh, I could use one of those, too!)
   
   

* * * *

Overall, the party was a huge success! I was feeling a bit down earlier in the day since a lot of our invited guests declined at the last minute. But we were able to fill the function room, and the food did not go to waste, so I guess all's well that ends well. :)

Closing remarks

We didn't use the cake to reveal the gender, but it's still pretty anyway. :)

When we revealed the gender, Team Mini Leklek cheered with us, while Team Mini Tonton (specifically my mama haha) said that the "pututoy" was probably still hiding, and could not be picked up by the ultrasound yet. Haha! But they're all still very happy for us, of course. We will see her again in a few months, when we go for a 4D Ultrasound. But for now, I am pretty sure that I am having a baby girl!

We are all very excited to meet you, Baby Girl Adelle!

Even Kormac is looking forward to meeting you! <3

He or she, what'll it be?

Week 23, Day 1

 A lot has happened since my last post (which was 7 weeks ago). I have been monitoring my aches, my pregnancy symptoms, and my weight, but I haven't had the chance to properly blog about it. I have also been very busy planning our Gender Reveal party, which happened just a couple of days ago.

Ton and I found out the baby's gender at Week 20, during our scheduled Congenital Anomaly ultrasound. Here are a few snapshots of our baby:

Profile!

Can you see the face? You can make out the nose and the open mouth

As the doctor ticked off the organs that she was supposed to take inventory of, Ton and I breathed a sigh of relief that she did not see any major defects in the brain, heart, kidneys, stomach and liver. And then she asked us, "Would you like to know the gender?" and I held my breath.The moment of truth!

Doctor: "Sir, parang girl...walang nakalawit eh."
(fumbling with the controls) "The middle of my second and third finger is the gender. Looks like pepe, right?" (haha, yes, she said that word)
Me: "Oo nga!"
Doctor: "Daddy's girl!"

We are having a baby girl! Ton was a bit speechless for awhile after that revelation. His mind had been set on a baby boy, and he could already imagine them playing basketball together. Haha! A baby girl is a whole new game to get used to, I guess, and he couldn't quite comprehend it yet.

I wanted a baby girl. But during the process of my pregnancy, when people would ask me what I wanted, I said that I am just praying for a healthy baby, regardless of gender. I just wanted our baby to be healthy and normal! We still have a long ways to go, so I am continuing praying for the safe delivery of a healthy baby girl! <3

Our families weren't in Manila at the time we found out the baby's gender, so we wanted to plan an intimate get-together when everybody would be here. Ton and I decided to have a Baby Gender Reveal Party to announce the gender to our family and friends. Party planning can be a bit stressful (especially the RSVPs - but what's new? I experienced this during our wedding!), but it can also be a lot of fun (thanks to Pinterest!). Nothing but the best for our baby girl!

Check out the pictures of the party in the next blog post!

Heart Strong

Week 16, Day 3

I am on my 4th month! How time flies! I haven't been writing much, since I've been worrying instead. It's been a long time between Ob-Gyne visits, and I've been wondering: without the ultrasound or the Doppler device, how do mothers make sure that the baby inside them is A-ok?

Just past the 1st trimester, I can't see or feel my baby just yet. I know that in the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I've been weighing myself warily, not sure if the 10-lb weight gain during the 1st trimester alone was normal. Now that I've hit the 2nd trimester, I'm worrying that I am not gaining enough! I've plateaued at 131 lbs for the past 2 weeks already...why am I not gaining weight? Is the baby not growing inside of me?

My fears were calmed when I visited my Ob-Gyne a few days ago. She confirmed that my weight and my blood pressure was on-track, and then we listened to the baby's heartbeat using the Doppler device! I was so happy to hear the thump-a-thump of the baby! It look awhile for her to find it (it was a bit further down my belly), but when I finally heard it -- ahhh, music to my ears. :)

She made a fearless forecast that my baby is a boy. She said that she usually can tell from the heartbeat. Girls' heartbeats usually sound like a whisper, but the heartbeat coming from my belly was strong and fast. Awww, my heart strong baby. :) 

I will know the gender for sure in a month's time; I have my Congenital Anomaly exam (ultrasound) scheduled for November 9. Time to place your gender-bets! Haha!

My husband and I will be seeing him/her for the first time, in all his/her developed glory. :) I'm so excited. Still continuously praying for the baby's health.

Selfish

Week 10, Day 4

It's amazing how much women sacrifice to become mothers. I have only been a mother for 10 weeks and 4 days to this amazing little gummy bear in my belly, and I feel like I have already given up so much of my old self to it.

My body is changing so much, and I do not just mean my physical appearance. I mean, internally, with all my organs being shifted and hormones swimming around my body. It's like an alien has taken residence and has decided to repaint all the walls, and bring in all-new furniture. Everything is changing, and it's scary to think that this is only the beginning. Once I bring this new life into the world, the game will change entirely (cue dramatic music here).

They say the hardest part is the 1st trimester (which will thankfully end in 2 weeks' time), but I still have 29 weeks to go, and it is depressing / scaring / exciting the heck out of me.

I have always been a selfish person. Spoiled. Privileged. I'm the eldest child in a brood of 4, but I don't think I have ever displayed any maternal instincts to my younger siblings. I'm more of the loner type, who would rather pore over books than interact with other people. Not exactly mother material, if you ask me. :/

So how come now God has blessed me - a selfish person - with a a life blooming inside of me? A little human being with his/her life dependent on how I take care of my body? I'm now sharing my body with another person...giving up my rights to do whatever it is I want. It's so strange to think that I am responsible for another human being, and that I have to take care of her/him as well as myself, from here on out.

It's very strange, and very scary. I wonder if all new mothers feel this way?

Being a mother is the time in your life when you accept that your life is no longer your own. I don't know how to deal with that. Is this mothers' instinct self-taught? Or does it magically get instilled in you the moment your baby is conceived or when the baby is born?

So many questions. But what I know is this: all mothers are amazing for having to go through these changes. Maybe I feel a bit disconnected from that for now because I don't *feel* amazing...I just feel sluggish and nauseous and fat. That's the selfish-me talking. :( And mothers are not supposed to be selfish. :(

Bigger heart

Week 7, Day 1

So my baby has caught up and is now running the race at 133 bpm, and is 10.1 mm long (crown to rump length)! We are so happy! My ob-gyne seems very happy with the results, too, and has proceeded to issue me the following:

• A baby book to track my check-ups
• Novena to St. Raymond Nonnatus, Patron Saint of Childbirth, Expectant Mothers, and Babies
• Prescription for pre-natal vitamins (Omega +3, folic acid, pre-natal vitamins and pre-natal milk) 
• Referral for lab work-ups

 I was lucky, too, as St. Luke's Medical Center just launched a Pre-Natal care package - a lump sum fee which includes 10 lab tests (those usually required for expectant mothers), and discount vouchers from Chicco - that same day, and I was the first to avail of it.

I will be going back to the doctor in a week to show her my lab results. Looks like everything is full steam ahead! Praying for the continuous health of the baby growing inside of me, and for a safe pregnancy.

I'm so excited! I'm going to be a mama!

That's not yet the baby bump

Week 6, Day 5

This is crazy. I'm barely halfway through my first trimester and I feel like I'm already puffed up beyond my ideal pregnancy weight. Judging from the below symptoms, I think it's safe to expect that I will be unrecognizable after a few months:

• I'm sluggish all the time, snoozing for more than 10 hours a day; 
• My ob-gyne has advised against any exercise (even yoga) for now, since we are still monitoring the pregnancy's viability; 
• Thus, my only exercise is walking from the bed to the toilet, and that's barely 2 meters apart;
• As for my food intake, after avoiding complex carbs for the past few years, I now have a never-ending love for white rice and anything fried, which is bad because. . .
• . . .whenever I feel nauseous, I try to cover it up by stuffing my face with food, which is REALLY bad because. . .
• . . .I feel nauseous ALL. THE. TIME.
• I don't necessarily puke everything out, but after having a hearty lunch, that's when I am usually hit by a wave of "afternoon sickness," and I proceed to hug the toilet like it's my best friend;
• After puking, I sleep some more (which is better than eating some more, I guess); 
• And did I mention that I want to eat white rice all the frickin' time?

I'm getting a bit softer around the edges: my jawline is disappearing, my belly is protruding (Sadly, it's the fat from all the food I've been eating. I'm barely 2 months in, I'm not supposed to be showing yet!), my boobs are ginormous (They were already big enough to begin with! That's not a good thing!), and I have fat feet!!! Huhuhu. My changing body shape means that I'm having a hard time choosing what to wear in the mornings, since I can barely fit into my jeans and shirts anymore (I think this encourages me to further burrow into my bed covers, in my comfortable pajamas).

I feel a bit sorry for my husband, too, since he is taking the brunt of my mood swings and bouts of laziness. Aside from slowly adjusting to the fact that I am alternately happy-sad-angry-forlorn-irritable-giddy at any given time, he has now learned to wash the dishes (that used to be my task), he takes out the garbage EVERYDAY (I can't stand the smell), and he gives me frequent hugs, kisses, and assurance that "You're not fat, you're beautiful!" while I loll around the bed at 1 in the afternoon.

Aside from the paternal pleasure he gets from the idea that he is about to become a first-time dad, I think he is also secretly pleased that he can go out at night while I am passed out on the bed (conked out the moment I come home from work, which is usually 6 or 7 p.m.). At this point, we haven't told our friends yet that we are expecting, so he has to field questions on my whereabouts with answers like: "She's tired from work," or "She has an early work-thing tomorrow morning," or simply "She's not feeling well." Since I'm the introvert in the group, I don't think anyone's all that surprised that I'm not present in gatherings. Hahaha.

We have only told my parents, my husband's mom, my siblings, and my grand-uncle (lolo) and grand-aunt (lola), who are both doctors. Lola Norma has proceeded to advise me to EAT: now is not the time to worry about getting fat; I should just eat whenever I feel like it, for my sake and for the baby's sake (see bullet #5 above). So when the time comes that we decide to announce it to our close friends and family, I will make sure that I am wearing something loose, and prohibit any curious belly-touching. I don't think I can stand saying to well-wishers that "Sorry, that's not yet the baby bump, that's just belly FAT."